I’m not gonna say I’m the best teacher ever, or that I was the worst teacher ever at the start of the year and now I’ve blossomed into this amazing educator, yada, yada, yada…. I do, however, think I’m improving.

I won’t get into any details about the many different areas that I believe are turning around for me. But I will say this, I don’t have that treading water feeling (as much) as I have throughout the semester. Now I realize that it is finals week at my school, and I have had a lot of time to catch up on marking and other work. I guess I’m just feeling optimistic about next semester. I do have 4 new classes, the workload will still be there. But I think I have learned how to approach my work better. I think I’ve learned more about the outcome based learning that my division has implemented.

More than anything I am just feeling confident in my abilities as an educator. It feels like it’s been a long time coming, I just wanted to let you all know.

As you may already know, this teaching gig is getting me a little worn out. And lately, I’ve been slipping on my marking. And by that I mean I’ve fallen way behind. And there’s a problem, it is getting very hard for me to find the motivation to do the “dirty work” such as marking. Part of it has to do with the time of year. I’m ready for the break, all the students are ready for the break.

So as of late, I haven’t done all my marking. And honestly, I’m ok with that. The sun will come up tomorrow if I don’t get tomorrow’s math test marked 15 minutes after its handed in. I may do some marking over the break, emphasis on may. But what I need to do first is take care of me. I need to clear my head. I hate to say it but there was a day or two last week when the thought of a different profession crossed my mind.

So in order to keep my sanity, I’m going to watch football tonight. I probably won’t get to any marking before the break and I am totally ok with that. Future me might be a little upset because of the workload, but I’m sure he’ll thank me in the long run.

I did not know that as a teacher, and I feel I can speak for most new teachers, that you will be consumed by this profession. I’m not complaining about the amount of work that I am putting in. I’m talking about spending 95% of my day just thinking about teaching. And not cool things like how inspirational and motivating I am (probably not, but I like to think so), but thinking about what I have planned, what I have to plan, what I have to mark, assignments I have to make, etc, etc, etc.

This isn’t necessarily bad, my qualm with it is that this is all I can think about. I just want to shut my brain off. I am so exhausted by the end of the day that I just crash on the couch. I have sat down and stared at the wall, in silence, for no reason. I have a hockey game tonight and I will bet money that during the game I will think about school.

I guess what I would like to know, is does this get better? Or will I just get used to being a zombie most days? My first instinct tel me hat this will get better. But its midway through December and the end doesn’t seem in sight.

I know it sounds like I have a terrible attitude towards my job. I love my job, I really do. Maybe all this thought I put into it is a sign that I care about what I do, and want to get better. But I don’t know, I’m tired and cranky right now. Ask me again later.

I will start off by saying that I haven’t shaved my ‘stache yet. I am simply growing my beard back around it. I missed my beard.

Also I would just like to thank all the students (none of whom likely will read this) that donated to this cause. I raised $400 in my room alone. Together at our school we raised almost $1600.One of the teachers has to keep his moustache because he said he would if he raised over $500. Our school had a Movember themed assembly, where students wore fake and drawn on moustaches. It was one of my favorite assemblies this year.

There were a lot of Twitter chirps, students chose sides, it was really a fun fundraiser. I can’t wait until next Movember.

I realize that I’m not the goalie I once was, I may let in a few goals that should be stopped. It is hard to think about how my performance has taken such a downfall in three years. But I know things will turn around.

So I will ask you this, which came first. Success or confidence? Right now as a goalie, I am not seeing much of either.

This is also something I see in my classroom. A lot of students come into class with the “math sucks” attitude. Some days it’s hard to get them going because they have absolutely no confidence in their math abilities. I’m having trouble getting them to see that they can actually do it. More often then I’d like, a student will just give up because “I don’t get this” and “I hate math”. So when they do actually try their success rate is lower than they would like, because they would rather have me go through it step by step with them. Somehow they think not trying is better than trying and failing.

So, my question is, what comes first in a math class success or confidence?

But other than the looks of my moustache, it’s bringing in a lot of cash. So far the tin in my classroom has brought in over $300. This, along with similar numbers from the other two teachers raising money, has completely blown my mind. I never thought our simple little fundraiser would turn into what it has. There are rivalries forming down in the high school end, twitter is hosting a little bit of bantering back and forth (mostly between another teacher and I, on our school accounts). We’ve created some sort of monster, and it hasn’t been like this all month. Just during this past week it has taken off. I don’t know what sparked it, or why it’s become what it has. But it’s been fun. Students always asking throughout the day how much money I’ve earned, how its compares to the other teachers, who’s in the lead.

I don’t know how things are going to end on the 30th, but at this pace I’m pretty sure it’s going to be pretty awesome.

So, being that I am a teacher who has Twitter, there is a lot of opportunity for me to collaborate with other teachers. There is a ton of opportunity for me to join a mathchat or an edchat. But up until now I have not done much of the sort. My updates are mostly of the what’s going on in my life variety, not the educational variety. And somehow, I feel like I am underachieving by doing so. Honestly, I would love to share what I have, if I had anything. At this point in my career I am in the beg, borrow, and steal mode. As long as the “trying to keep head above water” mode.

I guess my issue is that I’m feeling guilty. Guilty about not sharing. Guilty about stealing from anyone who is willing to share what they have, whether it be an idea, notes, pictures, etc, and not giving back. I want to give back, I really do. But i think I’m a pretty lame teacher at this point. I don’t feel like I am doing anything good enough, that someone else might want it.

I don’t know, maybe this is just first year teacher jitters. What I’m trying to say in all of this, is that I’m not greedy, just shy.

More importantly, the money is starting to roll in.  My Movember collection tin (made by a student I might add) is slowly collecting loose change and even a couple bills. I don’t have a count of the money yet, but its getting around the 40 dollar mark.

And remember, with great moustache comes great responsibility.

As of today, I have started to grow a moustache once again, this time for a different reason. This year most of the male staff at school, over 20 students, and myself are all growing moustaches (or beards) for Movember.

This year I am doing things right, starting frresh. The onlt issue with that is that this is the first time since probably this time last year that I have been completlely clean shaven. It’s weird. I am used to some sort of scruff on my fave. I look about 5 years younger. And believe me, the students have noticed.

But hey, it’s for a great cause. And I don’t regret it for a second.

I’ll be honest, I thought this conference would be a good idea to go to. I wasn’t looking for an excuse to get out of my classroom for a couple of days. Although I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t in the back of my mind in my decision to go. I was surprised at how much I actually took away from this conference. I thought it was going to be a little bit preachy, like my old EPS classes. And the classroom management session on Wednesday night kind of fell into that territory.

But over the next two days I enjoyed the conversations we had. A bunch of teachers in the same boat as I’m in, the “I wanna be the best teacher ever, but I’m too tired and stressed and I think I’m coming off as moderate” boat. It was refreshing to hear the presenters being so honest and open with us. Saying things like “I did that wrong for 20 years” was so refreshing, and the understanding that, as first year teachers, we aren’t supposed to be the best teacher teacher in the world. That was a big boost to my morale.

There’s a lot of things I would like to try, and I guess I’m just worried about falling into a rut. I don’t want to be the teacher who just lectures all the time. I want to be the best teacher in the world, I really do.  But that may not happen this year, and after this conference I can accept that.

I guess we’ll have to wait a few years…